I have just completed the odyssey that was my summer weddings, 2006.
So that is why I have been painfully away from this blog. Fear not, though. The season is passed. Little damage done, save my liver, of course.
I will write soon about my realizations of my bachelorhood and how it should probably end soon, in my next post. Keep an eye out...it'll be great.
Until Next Time
7.26.2006
6.29.2006
No Responses
I can see from my tracking map that I have had a few visitors to my site. And yet, nothing I have written about has inspired anyone to comment. Kinda sucks nutz a little. Oh well, I really am writing this more for catharsis than anything else.
Until Next Time...
Until Next Time...
6.28.2006
An Old Friend
I decided tonight to add a friend on my Myspace page. Moments later, I received a message from this friend asking where I was and what I was up to. And at this moment, I have just gotten off of a 46 minute phone call with him.
Kyle was one of my closest friends in Wichita Falls, while I was at school. I can't even explain why he meant so much to me. Our friendship was one that consisted equally of heavy nights of drinking and of deep conversations. Of sport events and movies. Of beer pong and road trips. But when I told him that I was going to be leaving Wichita Falls, our friendship came to an abrupt halt. It was one of the more saddening aspects of my time at Midwestern State University.
In our conversation, Kyle shared that he was moving to Dallas soon and that he was going to be attending UNT in the fall. The phone call broached topics of religion, politics, work, relationships and mutual admiration. Though I could probably fault Kyle for abandonment, I can't help but feel the same feeling he expressed that I attempted contact with him. I feel blessed that we spoke to one another. I feel blessed that our friendship might continue on and in a new and different direction.
Life is funny sometimes.
Until Next Time...
Kyle was one of my closest friends in Wichita Falls, while I was at school. I can't even explain why he meant so much to me. Our friendship was one that consisted equally of heavy nights of drinking and of deep conversations. Of sport events and movies. Of beer pong and road trips. But when I told him that I was going to be leaving Wichita Falls, our friendship came to an abrupt halt. It was one of the more saddening aspects of my time at Midwestern State University.
In our conversation, Kyle shared that he was moving to Dallas soon and that he was going to be attending UNT in the fall. The phone call broached topics of religion, politics, work, relationships and mutual admiration. Though I could probably fault Kyle for abandonment, I can't help but feel the same feeling he expressed that I attempted contact with him. I feel blessed that we spoke to one another. I feel blessed that our friendship might continue on and in a new and different direction.
Life is funny sometimes.
Until Next Time...
6.27.2006
'cid or candy?
That's the question that was asked of me. My answer led to truly the best $20 I ever spent. I had written a short page after finishing 'Songs of the Doomed' by Hunter S. Thompson last August. I realize now that page and its' contents were so far off the mark of his experiences.
The only thing I will do differently next time is have some way to record my thoughts. Either a journal or digital voice recorder. I understand now how Aaron Sorkin was so creative with his fungi.
The only thing I will do differently next time is have some way to record my thoughts. Either a journal or digital voice recorder. I understand now how Aaron Sorkin was so creative with his fungi.
6.21.2006
Another Day, Another Cell Phone
I have received my new cell phone, a replacement for the one damaged at Colin's bachelor weekend. But unfortunately, I didn't store my previous address book on the sim card, so I am having to repopulate my entire address book, anew. Live and learn.
By the way, if you ever have wanted to experience rape without the intercourse, try getting a new cell phone out of Cingular when you aren't eligible for an "upgrade". I'm currently constructing a case made of string and egg cartons for my new cell phone. No post-waterfall and P&A drinking game mishaps will happen to this one.
But Cingular was nice enough to let me move down from my current 900 minute rate plan that I have never once fully utilized. But I am losing all but 450 of my 3400+ rollover minutes. It's actually ok, because I knew I'd never use them all anyway.
Until Next Time...
By the way, if you ever have wanted to experience rape without the intercourse, try getting a new cell phone out of Cingular when you aren't eligible for an "upgrade". I'm currently constructing a case made of string and egg cartons for my new cell phone. No post-waterfall and P&A drinking game mishaps will happen to this one.
But Cingular was nice enough to let me move down from my current 900 minute rate plan that I have never once fully utilized. But I am losing all but 450 of my 3400+ rollover minutes. It's actually ok, because I knew I'd never use them all anyway.
Until Next Time...
6.19.2006
Colin's Bachelor Weekend
I have been in the foothills of the Ozark Mountains for the weekend. Arrived home last night at around 7:30pm. Exhausted. And let me tell you why.
Friday
Leave out from Dallas area at around 11am. Drive will take 5 hours. Arrive for lunch in Texarkana at approximately 2pm. We are on the road and to our destination by about 4pm. Pick up house keys (Seth rented an amazing 3-bedroom house on a lake....bravo, Seth) and get to Wal-Mart to grab food for the weekend. Get to house, start up grill, (with help of "i've had one cup of wine" lady next door) and drink beer and cook brats and burgers. Attempt to play a drinking game. Finish up the evening with poker.
Saturday
Up early for a 9:48 and 9:56 tee time. The course is amazing. We walk it. I hit a new record. Only 39 over par. But hey...it was fun. We go for lunch and then to the marina to check on the boat. It's not ready. We head back to the house. I shower and we promptly start a drinking game (4:42) that lasts thru the grilling of dinner (bravo, Seth, again) and until bedtime (I think it might have almost been midnight). Only one casualty of the evening. Seth couldn't hold down my multi-shot that I made for the game. I am told that it contained scotch, bourbon, cinnamon liqueur, vodka, miller lite, and tequila. I am also told that I added a dash of tobasco and a couple of glops of barbeque sauce. (sorry Seth).
Sunday
Up early, no alarm clock needed. I feel (amazingly) fine. I start to clean the house while others are still sleeping. Make a few loud noises and abandon the effort. Come back upstairs about an hour later when I hear others waking. We clean the house and run the key back to the realtor. Drive back in to the marina (everything on this trip was approximately 30 minutes from everything else, by the way) to check on the boat. There was to be no lake trip for us this time. We pile into the van and we head back to Dallas.
All in all, a fun time was had by all. There was considerably more history between the other four in attendance among themselves (they had all gone to the same high school, though two were a couple years behind). But I enjoyed getting to meet Jeff and Nathan, both of whom are hilarious. And I think Seth did one hell of a job putting together his brothers bachelor weekend.
Friday
Leave out from Dallas area at around 11am. Drive will take 5 hours. Arrive for lunch in Texarkana at approximately 2pm. We are on the road and to our destination by about 4pm. Pick up house keys (Seth rented an amazing 3-bedroom house on a lake....bravo, Seth) and get to Wal-Mart to grab food for the weekend. Get to house, start up grill, (with help of "i've had one cup of wine" lady next door) and drink beer and cook brats and burgers. Attempt to play a drinking game. Finish up the evening with poker.
Saturday
Up early for a 9:48 and 9:56 tee time. The course is amazing. We walk it. I hit a new record. Only 39 over par. But hey...it was fun. We go for lunch and then to the marina to check on the boat. It's not ready. We head back to the house. I shower and we promptly start a drinking game (4:42) that lasts thru the grilling of dinner (bravo, Seth, again) and until bedtime (I think it might have almost been midnight). Only one casualty of the evening. Seth couldn't hold down my multi-shot that I made for the game. I am told that it contained scotch, bourbon, cinnamon liqueur, vodka, miller lite, and tequila. I am also told that I added a dash of tobasco and a couple of glops of barbeque sauce. (sorry Seth).
Sunday
Up early, no alarm clock needed. I feel (amazingly) fine. I start to clean the house while others are still sleeping. Make a few loud noises and abandon the effort. Come back upstairs about an hour later when I hear others waking. We clean the house and run the key back to the realtor. Drive back in to the marina (everything on this trip was approximately 30 minutes from everything else, by the way) to check on the boat. There was to be no lake trip for us this time. We pile into the van and we head back to Dallas.
All in all, a fun time was had by all. There was considerably more history between the other four in attendance among themselves (they had all gone to the same high school, though two were a couple years behind). But I enjoyed getting to meet Jeff and Nathan, both of whom are hilarious. And I think Seth did one hell of a job putting together his brothers bachelor weekend.
6.15.2006
Ah, Pedophilia
Recently read this on the Independent Online. It's in the last couple of sentences. Made me laugh!
6.12.2006
Work, Work, Work.
I had an incredible night at work last night. It is ridiculous to me that I make the money I make for the work that I do.
6.11.2006
Offer Up A Thought For A Courageous Man
F.W. de Klerk is in intensive care tonight. (read here)
He is a man who stood up to the prevailing thought of a nation's ruling class and decried it the injustice that it was. This is ever more remarkable when you consider that he, himself, had participated in and propagated the same injustice for most of the decades of his life.
He is 70 years old now. His health is apparently failing. Keep him in your thoughts tonight.
He is a man who stood up to the prevailing thought of a nation's ruling class and decried it the injustice that it was. This is ever more remarkable when you consider that he, himself, had participated in and propagated the same injustice for most of the decades of his life.
He is 70 years old now. His health is apparently failing. Keep him in your thoughts tonight.
6.09.2006
What Would Jesus Do?
***This post is a day late, but not a dollar short. Thanks to blogger being down two consecutive days, my two cents were delayed.***
The big news is about the death of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. al-Zarqawi was responsible for the murder of several civilians, by beheading, bombing and other methods. I think it safe to say this was not a nice man. Our troops and the civilians that are part of the corporate carpet bagging of Iraq are now a little (just a little) safer that this man is no longer breathing air.
My problem stems from the fact that our politicians seem to be glad-handing one another and talking about the success of the mission. On more than one occasion I have heard "congratulations" given to our military for this. (Most notably, Speaker Hastert (R-IL), just yesterday)
These are the same politicians that have amassed a majority in the House and Senate based on the principles of the religious right (I'm beginning to think they are neither). And if we are living in a new theocracy, shouldn't we abide by the tenets of the judeo-christian beliefs that are being imposed across the country?
The ten commandments above are pretty much black and white if you proclaim yourself to be a Christian. And they don't simply apply to the individual, but also to a government made of men who want to claim the judeo-christian tenets as the foundation for their government.
If you believe in the Lord, then you realize that al-Zarqawi is a child of God. What right is it of ours, as children too, to take his life from him. God is to make judgement of us all when the time comes.
So when you see someone who you believe has a black heart and wants only harm for you, ask yourself what would Jesus do??? Would he strike him down with a might and fury that is unholy? Or would he offer his other cheek?
The big news is about the death of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi. al-Zarqawi was responsible for the murder of several civilians, by beheading, bombing and other methods. I think it safe to say this was not a nice man. Our troops and the civilians that are part of the corporate carpet bagging of Iraq are now a little (just a little) safer that this man is no longer breathing air.
My problem stems from the fact that our politicians seem to be glad-handing one another and talking about the success of the mission. On more than one occasion I have heard "congratulations" given to our military for this. (Most notably, Speaker Hastert (R-IL), just yesterday)
These are the same politicians that have amassed a majority in the House and Senate based on the principles of the religious right (I'm beginning to think they are neither). And if we are living in a new theocracy, shouldn't we abide by the tenets of the judeo-christian beliefs that are being imposed across the country?
God spoke all these words, saying: I am the Lord your God,who brought you out of Egypt, from the place of slavery. (1)Do not have any other gods before Me. (2)Do not represent [such] gods by any carved statue or picture of anything in the heaven above, on the earth below, or in the water below the land. Do not bow down to [such gods] or worship them. I am God your Lord, a God who demands exclusive worship. Where My enemies are concerned, I keep in mind the sin of the fathers for [their] descendants, to the third and fourth [generation]. But for those who love Me and keep My commandments, I show love for thousands [of generations]. (3)Do not take the name of God your Lord in vain. God will not allow the one who takes His name in vain to go unpunished. (4)Remember the Sabbath to keep it holy. You can work during the six weekdays and do all your tasks. But the seventh day is a Sabbath to God your Lord. Do not do anything that constitutes work. [This includes] you, your son, your daughter, your slave, your maid, your animal, and the foreigner in your gates. It was during the six weekdays that God made the heaven, the earth, the sea, and all that is in them, but he rested on the seventh day. God therefore blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy. (5)Honor your father and mother. You will then live long on the land that God your Lord is giving you. (6)Do not commit murder. (7)Do not commit adultery. (8)Do not steal. (9)Do not testify as a false witness against your neighbor. (10)Do not be envious of your neighbor's house. Do not be envious of your neighbor's wife, his slave, his maid, his ox, his donkey, or anything else that is your neighbor's." (Exodus 20)
The ten commandments above are pretty much black and white if you proclaim yourself to be a Christian. And they don't simply apply to the individual, but also to a government made of men who want to claim the judeo-christian tenets as the foundation for their government.
If you believe in the Lord, then you realize that al-Zarqawi is a child of God. What right is it of ours, as children too, to take his life from him. God is to make judgement of us all when the time comes.
So when you see someone who you believe has a black heart and wants only harm for you, ask yourself what would Jesus do??? Would he strike him down with a might and fury that is unholy? Or would he offer his other cheek?
6.06.2006
Richard Attenborough's Gandhi
Just watched Gandhi that I rented from blockbuster.com. (No, I don't get a kickback for that). A really well made movie. A great message. Gives hope to idealists like myself.
Watch it if you can.
Until Next Time...
Watch it if you can.
Until Next Time...
Who wants to read this?
I was getting ready for bed when I decided just to look over the site-tracker information. I find it interesting that I have had people visit from Argentina, the U.K., France, Belgium and other countries.
I guess this is just a nice hello to you all. Feel free to drop a line next time.
Until Next Time...
I guess this is just a nice hello to you all. Feel free to drop a line next time.
Until Next Time...
6.05.2006
A Declaration of Sorts...
'We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness -- That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed' -- Declaration of Independence
Since those words were written, slavery has been abolished. Since those words were written, women have claimed their right as citizens. Since those words were written, we have strived to continue our nation in the spirit of the good and right and just.
Today's regurgitation of the ridiculous notion of writing into our Constitution an amendment that would castigate a segment of our society to the outer reaches is heinous, bigoted and above all hateful.
Love thy neighbor as thyself: Do not to others what thou wouldn't not wish be done to thyself: Forgive injuries. Forgive thy enemy, be reconciled to him, give him assistance, invoke God in his behalf.
Our neighbors are gay. Our neighbors are black. Our neighbors are Mexican. Our neighbors are Iraqi. Looking at this list we see people we have chosen to hate who have done nothing to slander or harm us.
Hypocrisy is rampant in our society today. We allow ourselves to be duped by this latest sham, The Marriage Amendment to protect marriage. The only threat to marriage in our society is divorce. And if the uber-right wing conservative 'Christians' really were anything other than homophobes, they would also insist on an amendment banning masturbation, infidelity, sex out of wedlock, women being allowed to stay in their homes during menstruation, the NFL, etc., etc., etc. All of these things, if allowed to happen, are abominations in the words of the Bible. But you won't see anything of that sort from them.
*The NFL reference alludes to the touching of a pig's skin on the Sabbath for anyone thoroughly confused by that one.
Is it enough just to scream, "Stop the Insanity"???
Until Next Time...
6.01.2006
When Good Friends Go Bad
No...not a FOX Tuesday night special....just my night at work, last night.
I have a friend. Quirky? yes! Insecurity? Uh...yes, again. But on the whole he is a good guy. So I have only confusion when I try to wrap my head around his behavior last night.
For those that don't know, I am working in a restaurant. You don't work in a semi-fine dining establishment without taking the job seriously. I make a better than decent living doing what I do. The job, as with any other service job has menial tasks. The most menial in a restaurant is sidework. This is the general maintenance and upkeep of the restaurant so that you don't have to re-invent the wheel daily. In our restaurant, as in many, your sidework is completed at the end of your shift, prior to counting out your money and going home. And one person is usually relegated to checking to make sure that everything has been completed to an acceptable standard.
Last night, (we'll call him Sam), Sam was the closer checking sidework. When I checked in with him and let him know I was done with my sidework, I also asked if there was anything at all I could do for him while he took time to check those items. Rather than saying yes, he then ordered me to do another sidework. This is not protocol. You do one set of sidework and are done. On nights when there are fewer servers, you might double up on a second one. But we were staffed appropriately. Also, you don't order someone to do something. Just general manners on that one. And the thing of it is, had he asked if I could have done the second group of tasks, I would have. Because he is a friend.
After being ordered to do the second task, I told him it wasn't necessary and he said, "Who's the closer, you or me?" My response was something akin to, "Does it matter? Sign my check-out." This pissed him off and he said something about how I have to respect him. Sam, however, didn't care to reflect about his own disrespect of me, as a co-worker and a friend, when he told me that I would do the second sidework or I wouldn't get a signature.
I know this is totally a vent entry. I am so blown away by the complete about-face Sam made towards me. I was able to blow it off last night but as I am about to go in for another shift right now, I am getting angry about it again. So work will be odd tonight, I think. I know Sam and I have to work together and I know I will have no problem doing my job, which will include pre-bussing, running food, topping off waters and teas in his station. But without an apology for his behavior last night, this may be a case where a good friend went bad.
Until Next Time
I have a friend. Quirky? yes! Insecurity? Uh...yes, again. But on the whole he is a good guy. So I have only confusion when I try to wrap my head around his behavior last night.
For those that don't know, I am working in a restaurant. You don't work in a semi-fine dining establishment without taking the job seriously. I make a better than decent living doing what I do. The job, as with any other service job has menial tasks. The most menial in a restaurant is sidework. This is the general maintenance and upkeep of the restaurant so that you don't have to re-invent the wheel daily. In our restaurant, as in many, your sidework is completed at the end of your shift, prior to counting out your money and going home. And one person is usually relegated to checking to make sure that everything has been completed to an acceptable standard.
Last night, (we'll call him Sam), Sam was the closer checking sidework. When I checked in with him and let him know I was done with my sidework, I also asked if there was anything at all I could do for him while he took time to check those items. Rather than saying yes, he then ordered me to do another sidework. This is not protocol. You do one set of sidework and are done. On nights when there are fewer servers, you might double up on a second one. But we were staffed appropriately. Also, you don't order someone to do something. Just general manners on that one. And the thing of it is, had he asked if I could have done the second group of tasks, I would have. Because he is a friend.
After being ordered to do the second task, I told him it wasn't necessary and he said, "Who's the closer, you or me?" My response was something akin to, "Does it matter? Sign my check-out." This pissed him off and he said something about how I have to respect him. Sam, however, didn't care to reflect about his own disrespect of me, as a co-worker and a friend, when he told me that I would do the second sidework or I wouldn't get a signature.
I know this is totally a vent entry. I am so blown away by the complete about-face Sam made towards me. I was able to blow it off last night but as I am about to go in for another shift right now, I am getting angry about it again. So work will be odd tonight, I think. I know Sam and I have to work together and I know I will have no problem doing my job, which will include pre-bussing, running food, topping off waters and teas in his station. But without an apology for his behavior last night, this may be a case where a good friend went bad.
Until Next Time
5.31.2006
The IMAX Experience
I have never been one that would ever have a problem going to a movie by myself. The way I see it, I'm not there to have a lengthy conversation. I (we) would be sitting in a dark room staring at a screen for two hours. No biggie if I'm alone or not.
Well, tonight, after several missed attempts at trying to go with one or another of my friends, I finally took off for the IMAX presentation of 'Poseidon'. I didn't really get fired up about the movie when I heard about it and saw trailers. But when I saw it was also being shown in IMAX, I thought, "this I gotta see."
I have to say that I am a Wolfgang Petersen fan. He usually puts out really entertaining and thrilling movies, (e.g., Das Boot, In The Line of Fire, Air Force One, The Perfect Storm, Troy), but this one kind of missed the mark. Not once did I find that I was holding my breath during an underwater scene (The Perfect Storm) or have a sinking feeling as you learn the true identity or motive of your bad guy (In The Line of Fire and Air Force One).
One Plus???? Richard Dreyfus' character was a gay man. Not over the top, gay. No excessive flamboyances. He just was and you only learn it after brief matter-of-fact conversation at his dinner table. Bravo to Richard Dreyfus for having the courage and the talent to lend a humanity and realism to his character.
Though I wasn't impressed by the film, (didn't expect I would be), I enjoyed it in the IMAX format. But I am looking way more forward to Superman Returns in IMAX next month.
Until Next Time
Well, tonight, after several missed attempts at trying to go with one or another of my friends, I finally took off for the IMAX presentation of 'Poseidon'. I didn't really get fired up about the movie when I heard about it and saw trailers. But when I saw it was also being shown in IMAX, I thought, "this I gotta see."
I have to say that I am a Wolfgang Petersen fan. He usually puts out really entertaining and thrilling movies, (e.g., Das Boot, In The Line of Fire, Air Force One, The Perfect Storm, Troy), but this one kind of missed the mark. Not once did I find that I was holding my breath during an underwater scene (The Perfect Storm) or have a sinking feeling as you learn the true identity or motive of your bad guy (In The Line of Fire and Air Force One).
One Plus???? Richard Dreyfus' character was a gay man. Not over the top, gay. No excessive flamboyances. He just was and you only learn it after brief matter-of-fact conversation at his dinner table. Bravo to Richard Dreyfus for having the courage and the talent to lend a humanity and realism to his character.
Though I wasn't impressed by the film, (didn't expect I would be), I enjoyed it in the IMAX format. But I am looking way more forward to Superman Returns in IMAX next month.
Until Next Time
5.29.2006
The Next Big One
I am now within two months of my 30th birthday. It's not the biggest birthday ever. Just the biggest one I've yet experienced.
Why do we subject ourselves to the painful process of contemplation. Am I who I thought I would be when I was in the sixth grade? Am I who I thought I would be senior year? Am I who I thought I would be 5 years ago? The answer, each time, is no.
In sixth grade I was going to have a degree, a career, a wife, kids, cars, house, etc., etc. By senior year, I knew that part of the above wasn't going to happen. I just needed to figure out how I was going to let my parents know they wouldn't have grandbabies from me. Five years ago I resigned myself to less of the (I won't call it a dream because it was never an aspiration, it just simply was what was going to happen) reality of my sixth grade mind.
Sure, between 25 and now I have completed my first two years of college. Before that I was a professional (definition: paid) actor/singer. Before even that I worked on the QE2 and the Viking Princess. I have lived a lot of life. It just wasn't the life that I was expecting when I was younger. And I'm O.K. with that.
But my reflection, ever moreso since my return from volunteering in New Orleans, has been on a relationship. In my adult life, I have had only two meaningful, though abbreviated, intimate relationships. They both occurred in my early twenties. I have been alone for far too long. And I wish I knew why.
I take stock often. I am not a bad looking guy. I come from a family with good genetics. I am the shortest male in the family but I have a powerful personality that can command a room. I can also shrink and be the least visible person in a room. It just depends on my mood and motivation. I consider myself overweight. I am told that I have an average build. So, maybe I have issues there. In fact, I have told myself time and again that if I work out, put on muscle, that someone will want me. Oprah did the same thing a few years back. She said a simple but brilliant statement right afterwards (and I paraphrase), "You're still you".
Add to the fact that I am exceedingly picky. I am not cocky or stuck-up at all. I can pretend I am cocky sometimes....but I laugh right after I say anything and people know it was a joke, despite my dry sense of humor. But I feel I have a right to be picky. I have seen people who settle just because they don't want to be alone anymore. That is not me, at all.
I'm not saying that my life is completely off-course. I think the greatest thing about my life so far is that I don't have a marked course. I have a life that my friends envy. My friends have lives that I envy. The grass is always greener, right? And I'm not saying that my life will be perfect if only I find someone. I'm not that naive. I'm not a 14 year old school girl, afterall. But I have had experiences and successes in my life. I just want someone to share them with and who can share their experiences and successes with me.
C'est la vie!
Until Next Time...
Why do we subject ourselves to the painful process of contemplation. Am I who I thought I would be when I was in the sixth grade? Am I who I thought I would be senior year? Am I who I thought I would be 5 years ago? The answer, each time, is no.
In sixth grade I was going to have a degree, a career, a wife, kids, cars, house, etc., etc. By senior year, I knew that part of the above wasn't going to happen. I just needed to figure out how I was going to let my parents know they wouldn't have grandbabies from me. Five years ago I resigned myself to less of the (I won't call it a dream because it was never an aspiration, it just simply was what was going to happen) reality of my sixth grade mind.
Sure, between 25 and now I have completed my first two years of college. Before that I was a professional (definition: paid) actor/singer. Before even that I worked on the QE2 and the Viking Princess. I have lived a lot of life. It just wasn't the life that I was expecting when I was younger. And I'm O.K. with that.
But my reflection, ever moreso since my return from volunteering in New Orleans, has been on a relationship. In my adult life, I have had only two meaningful, though abbreviated, intimate relationships. They both occurred in my early twenties. I have been alone for far too long. And I wish I knew why.
I take stock often. I am not a bad looking guy. I come from a family with good genetics. I am the shortest male in the family but I have a powerful personality that can command a room. I can also shrink and be the least visible person in a room. It just depends on my mood and motivation. I consider myself overweight. I am told that I have an average build. So, maybe I have issues there. In fact, I have told myself time and again that if I work out, put on muscle, that someone will want me. Oprah did the same thing a few years back. She said a simple but brilliant statement right afterwards (and I paraphrase), "You're still you".
Add to the fact that I am exceedingly picky. I am not cocky or stuck-up at all. I can pretend I am cocky sometimes....but I laugh right after I say anything and people know it was a joke, despite my dry sense of humor. But I feel I have a right to be picky. I have seen people who settle just because they don't want to be alone anymore. That is not me, at all.
I'm not saying that my life is completely off-course. I think the greatest thing about my life so far is that I don't have a marked course. I have a life that my friends envy. My friends have lives that I envy. The grass is always greener, right? And I'm not saying that my life will be perfect if only I find someone. I'm not that naive. I'm not a 14 year old school girl, afterall. But I have had experiences and successes in my life. I just want someone to share them with and who can share their experiences and successes with me.
C'est la vie!
Until Next Time...
5.28.2006
Who doesn't love a little insomnia?
I have always had bouts of insomnia. Ever since I can remember. I go through relatively long phases where I can fall asleep, as if on command. But the opposite of that is my agonizing, seemingly self-afflicted insomnia.
I say self-afllicted because I putter around, read, watch TV, etc., as if I was trying to do anything at all, besides sleep. For crying out loud....I almost put Ghandi (thanks Blockbuster.com), on at 2:00am. And if I had, I'd be done with it by now. I foolishly thought I'd be asleep already. But on some level, I think I knew I wouldn't be.
This blog, being typed out at 5:06am CDT, is my last diversion before I allow myself some sleep. For now, I should count myself incredibly lucky that I have a very good paying career that allows me most of my day(and night) free for insomnia and the sleep that follows.
Until Next Time...
I say self-afllicted because I putter around, read, watch TV, etc., as if I was trying to do anything at all, besides sleep. For crying out loud....I almost put Ghandi (thanks Blockbuster.com), on at 2:00am. And if I had, I'd be done with it by now. I foolishly thought I'd be asleep already. But on some level, I think I knew I wouldn't be.
This blog, being typed out at 5:06am CDT, is my last diversion before I allow myself some sleep. For now, I should count myself incredibly lucky that I have a very good paying career that allows me most of my day(and night) free for insomnia and the sleep that follows.
Until Next Time...
5.26.2006
Mothers...Everyone Knows One!
We were driving in her 2 year old 1984 Datsun/Nissan Sentra Hatchback, beige in color. I think my older brother had recently acted out against my mom and I remember how upset she was because of it. I asked her why he would do that. She replied that he was rebelling, that it was completely natural and that everyone has to go through it. But it was obvious that even armed with that knowledge, it disturbed her terribly. So I boasted that I would buck the trend. I would never rebel against her.
Fast forward two years and I am packing up my stuff and moving to Florida to live with my dad. 4th grade was a tough year for the two of us. But I grew past that and really as I entered high school we had a metamorphosis in our relationship. That strength that was shared between us has really all but disappeared since my return from New Orleans. It was AWESOME of her to offer her house until I could re-build my depleted savings. But I really have to get the fuck out.
But this time she is the one rebelling. She has had medical tests and procedures in the past few months that have totalled over $30,000 (thank god for good insurance). Rather than heed her doctors advice, (who imparted their demands to me, as well), that she eat right, exercise more, cut out sugars and STOP SMOKING, she behaves as a petulent child, making stupid justifications such as, "Well, if I'm not enjoying myself anymore, whats the point to living?" My answer usually relates to grandchildrens graduations, weddings, etc. That usually just pisses her off.
To her credit, she has worked hard to change her diet, to exercise more, cut out sugars, etc., etc. But she is still smoking. That was one component (though a major one) that her cardiologist insisted on. She thinks since she has made strides in the other areas that she can allow herself this one small vice. At least she smokes outside, I guess.
Today we went to my nephew Colin's 3rd grade graduation, (cue The Incredibles, "It's not a graduation....he's going from the third to the fourth grade", Alan paraphrases). Things were great, even with having to drive through some horrendous traffic with her. You never know what will set her off these days....but traffic can usually be counted on. We drove home after graduation. Situation still good. We decided to go to lunch. Macaroni Grill (note to self....don't ever go to Macaroni Grill with mom again). Ahhhh....music. Yes...the trigger that set her off and made her almost impossible to sit with ("that music is too loud. I won't be able to eat."....yeah, the logic is lost on me, too), was the fact that a speaker in an open-concept restaurant happened to be above the table behind us. Add in a waiter who is mumbling the special. A dash of bad eyesight. A hint of a few expletives (deleted) when I try to calm the situation. That should give you the dysfunctional cocktail I enjoyed with my lasagna.
I'm taking stock of everything now. I am paying down my debts. I am re-building my savings. With the Lord, God Almighty and a few extra thousand dollars, I should be ready to move out by the time she returns from up north.
Don't let this rant paint a picture that I don't love my mother. I do. I don't know anyone who could hate their mother....but I am sure they are out there. I love my mother. I just don't have to like her all the time.
Fast forward two years and I am packing up my stuff and moving to Florida to live with my dad. 4th grade was a tough year for the two of us. But I grew past that and really as I entered high school we had a metamorphosis in our relationship. That strength that was shared between us has really all but disappeared since my return from New Orleans. It was AWESOME of her to offer her house until I could re-build my depleted savings. But I really have to get the fuck out.
But this time she is the one rebelling. She has had medical tests and procedures in the past few months that have totalled over $30,000 (thank god for good insurance). Rather than heed her doctors advice, (who imparted their demands to me, as well), that she eat right, exercise more, cut out sugars and STOP SMOKING, she behaves as a petulent child, making stupid justifications such as, "Well, if I'm not enjoying myself anymore, whats the point to living?" My answer usually relates to grandchildrens graduations, weddings, etc. That usually just pisses her off.
To her credit, she has worked hard to change her diet, to exercise more, cut out sugars, etc., etc. But she is still smoking. That was one component (though a major one) that her cardiologist insisted on. She thinks since she has made strides in the other areas that she can allow herself this one small vice. At least she smokes outside, I guess.
Today we went to my nephew Colin's 3rd grade graduation, (cue The Incredibles, "It's not a graduation....he's going from the third to the fourth grade", Alan paraphrases). Things were great, even with having to drive through some horrendous traffic with her. You never know what will set her off these days....but traffic can usually be counted on. We drove home after graduation. Situation still good. We decided to go to lunch. Macaroni Grill (note to self....don't ever go to Macaroni Grill with mom again). Ahhhh....music. Yes...the trigger that set her off and made her almost impossible to sit with ("that music is too loud. I won't be able to eat."....yeah, the logic is lost on me, too), was the fact that a speaker in an open-concept restaurant happened to be above the table behind us. Add in a waiter who is mumbling the special. A dash of bad eyesight. A hint of a few expletives (deleted) when I try to calm the situation. That should give you the dysfunctional cocktail I enjoyed with my lasagna.
I'm taking stock of everything now. I am paying down my debts. I am re-building my savings. With the Lord, God Almighty and a few extra thousand dollars, I should be ready to move out by the time she returns from up north.
Don't let this rant paint a picture that I don't love my mother. I do. I don't know anyone who could hate their mother....but I am sure they are out there. I love my mother. I just don't have to like her all the time.
5.25.2006
A New Post
I have been less than faithful to this blog. I always have these great ideas to write about but just can't get my sometimes busy/sometimes lazy ass to the computer. I'm trying out a new blog.....gonna name it in a few minutes....thinking http://throw-the-bums-out.blogspot.com
I want to write about the most corrupt of the corrupt in Washington and Austin. If nothing else, maybe I can put some idle time to my political passion. I'm going to try and set up the blog now. If you get the chance...stop in and read it sometime.
Until Next Time...
I want to write about the most corrupt of the corrupt in Washington and Austin. If nothing else, maybe I can put some idle time to my political passion. I'm going to try and set up the blog now. If you get the chance...stop in and read it sometime.
Until Next Time...
3.05.2006
The Acknowledgement of Wealth
With Fat Tuesday came the necessity for me to swear off something that I love for Lent. As it happens, my lenten sacrifice is a little more permanent than 40 days. I gave up my beloved BMW.
See, my BMW was 16 years old. I had been its' caretaker for the last 7 years. I know that whomever takes it over from me will have a good car. But it was time for a change. I bought a new car on Tuesday. It's not really new, per se. But it is new to me. I purchased a 2000 Mercedes SLK 230. Though almost a full 6 years old itself, this vehicle appears very new. Its' body styling could best be described as "classic". That distinction will help it to age very well. Very much like my BMW. The appearance of the vehicle is what leads me to the topic of today's blog entry: The Acknowledgement of Wealth.
For those of you reading this, you know that with my recent self-funded foree to New Orleans, I am far from being considered a person of wealth. But my new car purchase has gained me entry into a club I didn't even really know existed. The Wealth Club, as I think I would like to call it, is a group of people who pay no real dues (excepting of course perhaps a car payment), have no scheduled meetings, and don't even have a newsletter. But go ahead.....ask yourself...."How does Alan know this club exists? What evidence has he been privy to?" Well, I am glad you asked.
On Thursday of this week, I received my first odd salute. All salutes I have received, it should be noted, were offered to me by persons more aged than myself, as if to say, "Welcome, youngster! We are glad you made it. Now keep this hush-hush." I hope my betrayal doesn't lead to dire consequences. I've seen 'The Skulls'. (I haven't really, but it seemed funny to say something like that.) And so some don't jump in and say, "Alan, I drive a (jeep, motorcycle, mini, VW bug, etc) and other drivers in/on my car/bike wave at me all the time", it is important to note that all three salutes came from drivers of vehicles of different auto manufacturers. Their only common thread is that they are sold in the higher end market.
Anyway, Salute 1 came from a man in a Q45 Infiniti as I was pulling out of my bank parking lot. Nothing major. Just a wave and a sly grin. So subtle was the encounter that I really thought nothing of it. Just a kindly older gentleman, of my parents age. Perhaps he had thought I had yielded right-of-way to him, though I had not.
Next, and only a few hours later, was my second salute. Still subtle. But I immediately reflected back to Mr. Infiniti. I wondered could there have been a correlation? But certainty would not come to me until almost 1:00pm, this day. I pulled my car into the dealership to have it washed. I am still parking it in the driveway while I am cleaning out my side of the garage and it had rained the night before. I just wanted the water spots taken care of. When I pulled my car into the service drive, I parked immediately behind an almost identical version of my car. The only difference that I noticed was that hers was the SLK 320 and had wood grain in the cabin. This woman not only started a conversation based on the coincidence of our vehicles, but she then enlisted me, until only moments before a complete stranger, to aid her in making a decision, the outcome of which would either cost her several thousand dollars, or not. Though I have to admit the conversation came to a screeching halt, in my mind, when she confided that she loved her car so much, she wanted to keep it and get one of the new "smaller" Hummers. That could be a blog entry for another day, though.
From clandestine head nods and stealthily planned waves to an overt request for assistance in a major financial decision, it became clear to me that I had unwittingly joined The Wealth Club. But I will keep vigilant for future Acknowlegdements of Wealth. I think, much like my "Target Shoppers Unknowingly Dress In Red" observation, this one too, may have legs.
See, my BMW was 16 years old. I had been its' caretaker for the last 7 years. I know that whomever takes it over from me will have a good car. But it was time for a change. I bought a new car on Tuesday. It's not really new, per se. But it is new to me. I purchased a 2000 Mercedes SLK 230. Though almost a full 6 years old itself, this vehicle appears very new. Its' body styling could best be described as "classic". That distinction will help it to age very well. Very much like my BMW. The appearance of the vehicle is what leads me to the topic of today's blog entry: The Acknowledgement of Wealth.
For those of you reading this, you know that with my recent self-funded foree to New Orleans, I am far from being considered a person of wealth. But my new car purchase has gained me entry into a club I didn't even really know existed. The Wealth Club, as I think I would like to call it, is a group of people who pay no real dues (excepting of course perhaps a car payment), have no scheduled meetings, and don't even have a newsletter. But go ahead.....ask yourself...."How does Alan know this club exists? What evidence has he been privy to?" Well, I am glad you asked.
On Thursday of this week, I received my first odd salute. All salutes I have received, it should be noted, were offered to me by persons more aged than myself, as if to say, "Welcome, youngster! We are glad you made it. Now keep this hush-hush." I hope my betrayal doesn't lead to dire consequences. I've seen 'The Skulls'. (I haven't really, but it seemed funny to say something like that.) And so some don't jump in and say, "Alan, I drive a (jeep, motorcycle, mini, VW bug, etc) and other drivers in/on my car/bike wave at me all the time", it is important to note that all three salutes came from drivers of vehicles of different auto manufacturers. Their only common thread is that they are sold in the higher end market.
Anyway, Salute 1 came from a man in a Q45 Infiniti as I was pulling out of my bank parking lot. Nothing major. Just a wave and a sly grin. So subtle was the encounter that I really thought nothing of it. Just a kindly older gentleman, of my parents age. Perhaps he had thought I had yielded right-of-way to him, though I had not.
Next, and only a few hours later, was my second salute. Still subtle. But I immediately reflected back to Mr. Infiniti. I wondered could there have been a correlation? But certainty would not come to me until almost 1:00pm, this day. I pulled my car into the dealership to have it washed. I am still parking it in the driveway while I am cleaning out my side of the garage and it had rained the night before. I just wanted the water spots taken care of. When I pulled my car into the service drive, I parked immediately behind an almost identical version of my car. The only difference that I noticed was that hers was the SLK 320 and had wood grain in the cabin. This woman not only started a conversation based on the coincidence of our vehicles, but she then enlisted me, until only moments before a complete stranger, to aid her in making a decision, the outcome of which would either cost her several thousand dollars, or not. Though I have to admit the conversation came to a screeching halt, in my mind, when she confided that she loved her car so much, she wanted to keep it and get one of the new "smaller" Hummers. That could be a blog entry for another day, though.
From clandestine head nods and stealthily planned waves to an overt request for assistance in a major financial decision, it became clear to me that I had unwittingly joined The Wealth Club. But I will keep vigilant for future Acknowlegdements of Wealth. I think, much like my "Target Shoppers Unknowingly Dress In Red" observation, this one too, may have legs.
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