A Tangled Web

A Tangled Web

Rhetoric aside, need to get to bottom of 'Washington outsider's' uranium claim

Originally printed Sunday, July 20, 2003

Times-Record News, Wichita Falls, Texas

With all the rhetoric aside, what have we learned this past week?

George W. Bush ran for president as a self-professed "outsider" to Washington. I don't know if I would be proud of that moniker, knowing that my own father had been a president, vice-president, director of the CIA, ambassador to Beijing, permanent U.S. representative to the U.N., a member of the U.S. House of Representatives and had actually served in the armed forces. And that my grandfather had been a senator.

Despite those ties to Washington, it was a claim he made. And a lot of the voters fell for it. This is because it was fashionable in the late 1990's to assign the same venom to "them Washington types" that we once held in reserve for "them Commie reds."

The intelligence gaffe, the unwillingness to utilize any diplomacy, the laughable (if you can keep from crying) relaxations on environmental policies, the assault on the Bill of Rights perpetrated by an ingeniously named USA Patriot Act, and a tax scheme with ramifications we won't fully realize until he is not elected, again. I guess we have learned maybe it is OK to be one of "them Washington types."

I may not like the fact that my mechanic is going to charge me $900 to fix my A/C in my car, but I'm sure as hell not going to ask my dry cleaner to give it a shot.

So, what about the slip up in intelligence? Direct translation: LIE. Well, at least I hope it is a lie. Not for the politicization of the matter, but so that I might retain some confidence in an intelligence community that could let Sept. 11 happen.

If the president didn't lie, then we are at Square 1. We have intelligence agencies that have none. However, if he lied, as all evidence is suggesting, then perhaps they are capable of learning from past mistakes and they were working to keep us safe. If he lied, he has led us, unnecesarily, into a war and subsequent period of rebuilding that has destabilized the region and put the sons and daughters of our nation in harm's way. If he lied, then there are 150-plus U.S. soldiers' and countless Iraqi citizens' lives on his head. If he lied, he is guilty of a high crime and misdemeanor.

"But what evidence is suggesting he lied?", I'm sure you are asking, right? Well the lap dog journalistic community has decided it doesn't like the bones being handed it by this administration. They are, for the first time since Sept. 11, doing their jobs.

Political speeches are being taken apart word by word. Although Bush's handlers are stating that the uranium quote was a single component in our rush to war, we now know that the U.N. Inspections teams and the IAEA, led by Hans Blix and Mohammed El Baradai, respectively, effectively debunked all of our other components, prior to our attack.

On Wednesday of this past week, the FBI made public an investigation into this matter. With any luck, we'll soon be able to ask Bush where his buck stops.

Honor, Above All

HONOR, ABOVE ALL

Sacrifice only acceptable when cause is a just one
Originally printed Sunday, August 3, 2003
in the Times Record News, Wichita Falls, Texas

I was a 17 year old senior. I knew that I wanted to serve my nation and, taking the lead of my brother-in-law, whom I idolized, knew that the Army was the best.

I visited the recruiter, knowing that I wanted to be a Ranger, just like him. But my ASVAB had different plans for me. I was bound for military intelligence in the field of linguistics. And had a condition that precluded my enlistment not been discovered, that is exactly what I would have done. My service would have to be directed down another, equally important avenue.

Last Monday, I celebrated my 27th birthday. I suppose most of us do a little soul searching around that certain day of the year. So I was particularly struck when, for research purposes, I learned that the average age of the fallen soldiers in Iraq came to 26.915 years of age.

I couldn't help but think, "there but for the grace of God...". These brave men and women are in a position where they are not allowed to question orders. They are unable to hold their commander-in-chief to any account. Their sacrifice ensures that I must. This is my duty. This is my service. And I do so, in honor of them.

Two-hundred-and--fifty is a number that some believe to be an acceptable sacrifice. But therein lies the problem. It is a number. It isn't 20-year-old Spec. Christian C. Shultz from Colleyville, Texas who died on July 11. Nor is it 21-year-old Petty Officer, 3rd Class, Doyle W. Bollinger Jr. of Poteau, Okla., who died on June 6 when an unexploded piece of ordinance went off in the area he was working. It isn't Pfc. Lori Piestewa of Tuba City, Ariz., who was one of 10 who lost their lives when they were ambushed while repairing stalled vehicles that had become seperated from their supply convoy. It isn't 51-year-old 1st Sgt. Christopher D. Coffin of Bethlehem, Pa., who died when his vehicle crashed into a ditch to avoid striking a civilian vehicle.

It is a number. It is cold. And it can never accurately humanize this conflict. It is an insult to the lives and deaths of these brave men and women to say that their sacrifices, and sacrifices yet to come, are acceptable.

And that leads me to the topic of sacrifice. Sacrifice is only acceptable when the cause is just and we are defending against pure evil. You will know when we are against that evil because the sacrifice will extend back home, to all citizens of America. Our biggest sacrifice, to date, asked by this administration? Go out to dinner; see a movie; spend lots of money on this tax-free holiday weekend. Um, you mean all I have to do is buy this pair of Nikes I've been wanting and I'm helping us to win the war?

Think again.

True sacrifices were made in this country during World War II, and that was against pure evil. That was against real threats to our homeland. Before "Operation: Stir Up The Beehive Of Muslim Fundamentalism," the only verified threat to our homeland was Osama bin Laden, a man whose al-Qaida network breached our vulnerability and brought us headlong into this brave new world. The administration can't find and end this man or his network. And the only place you'll find him, lately, is on the inside back cover of the Sunday Times-Record News Op-Ed section.

You had better be certain that the cause is just when you ask our brave men and women to sacrifice the promise of youth. They are unable to hold their commander-in-chief to any account. Their sacrifice ensures that I must. This is my duty. This is my service. And I do so, in honor of them.

Life Isn't Fair

Life Isn't Fair

Unfortunately, there are times when the bad guys win

Originally printed Sunday, August 17, 2003

in the Times Record News, Wichita Falls, Texas

When the editorial board sat down last week, I had given three possibilities that I was going to write about for this week's column. What you are reading now is not one of those initial ideas.

In addition to being a student at Midwestern State University, I am also employed by the department of Housing and Residence Life as a resident assistant. This week has been one of the more challenging weeks, both mentally and physically.

My fellow RA's and I have been waking before 7 am and going through our day, almost non-stop, until as late as 10 pm, all in the effort to prepare for the worst-case scenarios that can occur in college life. And believe me, there are a lot of worst case scenarios.

Through this grueling process, our staff begins to bond, create relationships and, at times, get to their wit's end and bicker and complain. Emotions can run high.

It was when emotions were at their most fevered pitch this week that I was reintroduced to the theme of today's column: Life isn't fair.

That's right. Life isn't fair. There are times when the bad guy wins. There are times when you are not respected. There are times when you fail to respect others. It is human nature. But it occurred to me that when faced with adversity, when you learn that life isn't fiar, the easy road is to accept that fate and move on.

Or, another option is to not choose acquiescence, which soon leads to cynicism.

No. When faced with an injustice, raise your voice and be counted as against it. The other side may still win, but you will have been heard.

For 27 years, I know I have lived a lot of life. That is why I was particularly struck that I was brought face-to-face with this lesson here, in Wichita Falls. Not to say that I can't learn anything here. Quite to the contrary; I am learning daily while here. I am just surprised that such a basic lesson had been overlooked until now.

The applications of this lesson are far reaching, too. In the 1960's, life wasn't fair for the black population of this country, but they stood up to the inequality, to the injustice. And while there is still progress to be made, the distance behind is far more than the distance ahead.

The same could be said for the advancement of women in our society from second-class, subserviant behavior. Or the current "culture war" concerning the gay and lesbian citizens of the United States. All three have stood against unjust opinions and beliefs. And they are being heard by a more informed, more enlightened citizenry.

There is a line from the Broadway musical, "Ragtime" that really hits this nail on the head. Sung by Coalhouse, the lead character:

My path may lead to heaven or hell,

and God will say what's best,

but one thing He will never say

is that I went quietly to my rest.

In that line, he states that man is not accountable to man but to his higher power, alone. Where injustice is concerned, you cannot stay silent. Not for injustice against you. Not for an injustice against others. Raise your voice and be counted against it.

Who Says You Can Never Go Home Again???

Yes! That's right. I am back in the grand D/FW area. I am back in my boyhood home (oh the horror) and I am gainfully employed in the service industry, once again.

On starting at this new restaurant, I feel as though I have entered some alternate universe. There are reincarnations of many of my favorite (and some not-so-favorite) people that I have worked with in the past. It seems that my Mercury days have come to recreate themselves. Waiter Jason has been recreated in an amalgum of two of my current co-workers. One insanely smart and aware of current goings on, the other funny in a big, dumb oaf sort of way. Sean is represented by someone who is his own mirror image. He has kids but no wife. Sean, of course, has had a wife (wives) but no kids. I wonder if alternate Sean wants a wife as badly as Sean wants kids. Jennifer's double is also named Jennifer. Though I don't think Jennifer was much of a singer. But then maybe new Jennifer isn't much into fashion design.

Other personalities abound and it is slightly disconcerting how many similarities there are. So, it is a nice return to the metroplex. I feel very much at home in my new surroundings. It's almost as though I never left. That comfort always makes change that much more bearable.

Words Can Never Describe.....

I arrived in New Orleans yesterday. Everything that I had seen on the television, horrific as it was, was magnified and larger than life. Taking I-10 into downtown, the icon of Katrina, the Superdome, rose from the land standing as sentry for a city destroyed.

I had spent the previous two weeks living in Winnie, Texas and working in Nederland, Texas, working to repair O.C. Wilson Middle School and Nederland High School. It was satisfying work. Especially the middle school, because the completion of the work allowed students to return. We started working at the high school on the same day that students returned and it felt somehow less necessary and carrying less of an impact for victims. So perhaps it was kismet when Janet Pace of the United Way, who I had been talking with two weeks previously, in Baton Rouge, called to tell me there was a medical clinic in New Orleans that needed volunteers.

As it turns out, the Common Ground Cooperative was far more than just a clinic. In fact, my background in communications has come into play and I am learning facets that I previously had little knowledge of. Common Ground is a truly grassroots effort, started immediately following hurricane Katrina. It is focusing on the more severly disadvantaged sectors of New Orleans, (Algiers, the 7th Ward, the 9th Ward, etc.) and providing and teaching residents to establish and maintain self-sufficiency. It is a truly inspirational group and I have only met a small percentage of those involved.

It is an impressive idea to me that I can post on my blog from here. One of many advances made by the throngs of dedicated volunteers that saw suffering and injustice and rushed to offer aid and comfort.

Well, this is my first entry and hopefully I will find time to post often.

Until Next Time...

Really! What In The Hell!!!

I am writing this from my family home. I am still not acquiring "things" except for books, but they are a good thing to acquire, I think.

But I am back home this summer Tuesday morning because I am interviewing for a job back in the area this afternoon.

Oh, and as for not posting in soooo long? I don't have a computer or internet anymore. Consider it the simplification that I have been struggling for.

But here we are in the late summer and I am intending to work for another company than the one I currently work for. The position will pay $10,000 more a year than what I am currently making for ultimately the same work. I guess I can tuck that away and put it into my plan for Europe.

I re-read my previous posts this morning and damned if that didn't seem forever ago. Since then, I have gotten a job with the local police department. I have been reading voraciously, (because I sold my TV....thank christ). And I have been eating amazingly well and working out often. I am seeing the results of this hardwork too. Not terribly disappointing.

I really don't have a point to this post. I think mainly that it is being written simply because it has been forever and a day since my last post, (actually just under 5 months), and I wanted to at least check back in.

Well, I'm off to shower and get ready for my interview. Wish me copious amounts of luck.

Until Next Time.

Not a day goes by....

.....because it was actually 13 since I last posted. However, in my defense, we did get rid of our broadband and dialing up to post takes up the phone line for too long a time. So, in case anyone is reading me with any regularity, it may be a few days, from time to time, that I might post.

I am doing a TON of writing though. Unfortunately, it is all in my head at this point, but I have a great children's story coming together. It's actually not really a children's story, its a story for adults, but told from an ant's perspective. I hope to finish the draft this weekend and begin polishing it soon.

I am working again because the move to Europe has been delayed a bit. I will, most likely, leave sometime in the summer (mid to late). But I am still feeling that loneliness. I think that because I am such a social person, the sting of loneliness is that much more unbearable for me. My friends that I had have, for one reason or another, completely withdrawn from me. I believe it is in anticipation of my leaving. Ahhhh....cest la vie!

Until Next Time!

Oh! A Reward....

So apparently some well-meaning wealthy socialite up in DC wants Gannon's head, and those of the prominent Government Officials he's been "entertaining". Check out this site address.

Who is this Jeff Gannon/James Guckart, anyway?

I don't know how many of you out here in the blogoshere have even heard of this guy. The reason for my uncertainty is the apparent unwillingness for the mainstream media to report on this issue. Not only is it a thrilling story that can appeal to the basest of instincts (think Monica Lewinsky, but she's a he and he's a gay hooker), but there is also actual substance there, (something that was lacking in the former).

I read an article in the Wall Street Journal (and you can access it via the americablog.com site), that seemed to try to brush this story under the carpet. I think it is deplorable that legitimate news sources are trying to pull this pseudo-journalist into the fold and protect him from investigation. And it begs the question, "Are they protecting Jeff Gannon/James Guckart? Or is there somebody bigger?"

I had sent off an e-mail to the two reporters responsible for the story, along with CC:ing the Managing Editor of the Wall Street Journal. I am suggesting that anyone else that wants the media to finally hold this administration to any account do the same. I post a copy of my letter here for anyone to use as a guide in your own letter writing. Keep Fighting The Good Fight!!!

Gentlemen,

I appreciate your work on preparing a brief history of fringe reporting in the White House Press Corps. The story had a great amount of sources to back up the direction you wished to head.

THAT BEING SAID:

Your reporting failed to investigate why it was that Jeff Gannon/James Guckart was welcomed into the press room before he was ever associated with any news reporting agency. Why it was that he was given day passes over the next years, once GOPUSA formed Talonnews.com, more than a full month after he first was admitted into the press room. Why it was that he signed in with his real name for those day passes, but was recognized by his alias by the press secretary and the President, displaying complicity by the White House in this affair. Plus, with the shadiness surrounding the Valerie Plame case and Gannon/Guckart's possible involvement, it should be the responsibility of our free press to investigate this issue and either disprove it flatly, or continue the investigation to its ultimate conclusion.

Rather than offering the protection of the public with your freedom of press, you have done a huge disservice, trying to paint for your readers the picture that this is a common practice in White House Press Briefing Rooms, current and past. Your readers are expected, it seems, to view this story as a non-story. What you have successfully done is welcomed into your ranks a fake reporter and given him protection. Ask yourself this......if you had gone through the education required for your current position, and you were brought into the public light, not for supporting the President, but holding him to any accountability, how many in the press, right-wing, liberal or otherwise, would offer you the same protections.

I am very disappointed not only in you and your reporting, but in the editorial direction your paper seems to have taken on this issue.

Most Sincerely,
NAME WITHELD (from this post....for my own security)

The two reporters addresses are:

christopher.cooper@wsj.com, john.mckinnon@wsj.com

And the Managing Editor is:

paul.steiger@wsj.com

Happy Letter Writing.

Until Next Time!

The Truth Is In The Journey

I've wanted to write about tons of stuff all day. Seems like the ideas rush at me when I don't have paper or a keyboard anywhere near me. I think what was really hitting me between the eyes today, though, was that we all lead lives of distraction. We distract ourselves from finding our purpose in this life. Allow me to attempt to explain...

Ok, we all learn from a very early age, what our plan is. Our plan is, most likely supposed to be different than our purpose. Plans change from society to society and region to region. I'm fairly certain though, that if you are sitting in front of your computer, that your plan is similar to mine. We are meant to acquire, consume, spend. From an early age we are taught the concept of ownership. We have our desires for our favorite toys, candies, books, movies, music, beverages, bicycles, sporting goods, automobiles, apartments, vacations and villas. We are supposed to acquire what we can, as early as we can.

This interesting idea was posited to me over the Christmas break by my own young niece, Caitlin. I had loaded up my three nieces in my car to take them to the movies. Caitlin makes a joking comment about my car. Its not a bad car, but she is seeing the example of her parents who have a new car every couple of years (indeed their Volvo....very yuppie, indeed, was a lease). They are most definitely keeping up with the Joneses. However, I think my sister and her husband may actually be the Joneses. Though Caitlin is only 12, she has lived in three houses since her birth, each one purchased as mom and dad moved higher up the socio-economic ladder. Anyway, Caitlin talks about how my car has "hesitation", lingo grabbed from her father in his most recent bout of car shopping, no doubt. I informed her that this car with hesitation was transporting her to the movies and that she should be a little more thankful and a little less critical. She tried to toss in another sly comment. I knew that I couldn't be upset with her because she was simply being molded to fit her plan.

While we are following our plan, we manage to lose any sight of a purpose for ourselves, for others and for humanity, in general. Making sure the search for purpose is buried is a whole host of delusions and distractions. We pay for the upgraded cable or satellite package, we paintball, we work hours at our jobs, we buy new toys and gadgets that we have to put time and effort to in order to understand them, we buy into the latest faux news story (Jack-o is in the hospital with the flu, Scott Peterson is found guilty, Kobe is acquitted, Iran is not on our agenda, Iran is near nuclear capability, Iran will bomb us in 6 months, Gay Marriage), among many other things.

So what is the purpose? I wish I could tell you. See, while the plan is the same for everyone, the purpose is based on the individual. I don't know what my purpose is. But I have decided to cut through all the B.S. to try and find it. And a thought occured to me today. What if my purpose is to search for my purpose? What if that will make others around me realize they should look for something more? I really feel like my entire life has been the pursuit of something other than what I currently have. Will I know when I finally find it? Will I keep searching, perhaps in vain?

The one consolation that I have is that through all the searching, I allow myself to have fun in the present, wherever I might be. I allow people to impact me and I hope I have some impact on them. So, purpose seemed to be the order of the day, today. And perhaps the addage that I once read is true: The Truth Is In The Journey

Until Next Time!

A Reply To My First Post

I was happy when I checked my e-mail today and found that I had received my first post. Natalia from Colorado (guessing not originally...as English is her third and favorite language). She asked just one question. "Where in Europe?"

I wish I could answer that definitively. I don't have any itinerary, though. I will arrive in Portugal, make my way to Spain, France, Italy, Greece, through Latvia, Lithuania and Estonia, Finland, Sweden, Norway, Denmark, Holland, Germany, and probably a few others. I will visit all of these countries with only a backpack. I will stay where I enjoy longer than where I do not enjoy. I will try to find small jobs for small money to eat and stay.

So far, from previous travels to Europe, I really have only fallen in love with Copenhagen. It is a beautiful city with beautiful people and a rockin nightlife. Amsterdam, to me, seemed like Copenhagen's grungy brother. Amsterdam had more of an edge. It was "cooler".

Right now I am having the gas pipes in my house repaired. There is a small leak somewhere and the plumber is hunting it down both outside and under my house. Its winter in North Texas and I have no heater or hot water. The electric blanket makes the nights bearable, but the showers will take your breath away.

Prior to today, we had a big leak. The plumber, though, has dug up our entire backyard, re-piped the gas lines to our utility room and to our house, and that seemed to take care of the leak, for the most part. Now there is a tiny leak that he is having trouble locating. We can't have the city inspector or the gas company come back out until the leak is fixed. So, it is looking like one more night of electric blankets and one more morning of cold showers. Ahhhh, the problems that I won't have to endure once I move. Im assuming that in the near future, I will be so happy when I am able to shower, in my travels, that I won't even mind when the water is cold. Here's to warm showers, though.

I have also sold off three more items (2 books and a set of audio speakers) and have to ship them off. But I've been held hostage by the fact that the plumbers truck and trailer have my car blocked in on my own driveway. Since I have been waiting all weekend just for the plumber to look at our house, I figured I would not interrupt him and just wait. I have 2.5 hours til the post office closes.

This post seems to have wandered quite a bit from its reason for being. I guess I will publish now and go see if the plumber has found the small leak, that we are now assuming is under the house.

Until Next Time!

Priming The Pump

The whole idea of me running off to Europe is so that I can write. I don't know what, and furthermore, I really don't care what. I just have to write something.

I used to write quite a bit. I actually wasn't half bad. But I stopped one day and never started again. I knew I had written and that was good enough for me. My security blanket was the binder that I had filled. Plus, as you get older, you don't have the same time to write. I was busy growing up and getting jobs and moving and getting new jobs and moving again and moving again and getting other jobs and moving to school and moving again.

Through everything I had done, my writings were tucked away (somewhere) in that binder. I could revisit them when I wanted. I got a little satisfaction at reading what I had written and a little sadness from knowing that I was incapable of adding to them. I always knew I would write again, though. I think the security of that binder kept me comfortable in knowing that I could put off for another day, week or year the task of writing.

From my latest move to now, I have figured that the binder was packed ever so not neatly in a box that I had delivered back to the home I grew up in. I intended to root through the box and discard what was not necessary and to reinsert into my life that which was. The binder most definitely was that which was.

I began rooting through the boxes over Christmas break. Mom wanted the garage cleaned and I needed my security blanket. Mom got her clean garage. My blanket was gone.

So, I think that I need to sit down and begin writing again. I have, for the past couple of months, been in a sort of mourning for my writings. I remember most of them, in concept. I remember none of them, word for word, though. And I was a completely different person when I wrote that binder than I am now. My experiences in the 10 and 12 years since have made the recreation of that binder an impossibility.

I want the binder back, but I know that it is gone. So, rather than mourn for that which I can not recover, I should begin creating my next binder that I might be mourning for in another 10 years. But at least I will have written. Hopefully I will be as prolific now as I was then.

Well, I guess I have rambled a bit too much for the night. But forcing myself to write like this will, in effect, be priming the pump.

Until Next Time!

Hey Guys....Listen Here!!!

How About AudioBLOGs?

I have been doing a lot of research about my new blog, how I want it to look, what I want people to get from it, etc. And I have seen other peoples blogs and I like the creativity that goes into some of them. I wouldn't mind figuring out how to do that, too.

But the coolest thing I have seen so far is the audioBLOG capability. I think I will be utilizing that a lot. I actually had put one on here earlier tonight. But I had trouble with my edits for my entries. I accidentaly deleted the audioBLOG entry. But I will put new audioBLOG's back on here soon. So, pay attention and I will have some cool audioBLOGs on here soon.

Until Next Time!

Oh, and right now Im listening to Gavin Degraw 'Let's Get It On' from NapsterLive.....Check it out!

The Journey Begins.......or does it?

I am currently in the process of selling each and every one of my possesions off, so that I can begin whatever it is that I am supposed to begin in the very near future.

Two years ago, when I came to this god-forsaken little town of Wichita Falls, I thought I had succeeded in releasing myself from my possessions. But through time and a couple of trips in pick-up trucks, I found my possessions right back around me.

I know I was more "committed" to releasing everything then than I am now, but I am actually doing more about it now than I did then. Funny how stuff like that works out.

So, even though the journey hasn't begun yet (or has it?), I feel like I am gone already. Not me, physically feeling as though I am gone, but I feel that my friends have decided I am gone and that it will be easier to NOT interact with me in my last few days. I guess I actually feel as lonely now as when I arrived here for school two years ago and didn't really know anyone. A fitting end is one that mirrors the beginning, I guess.

Oh, and I think I have a whole problem with this 'blog-mentality'. I feel the same way about blogs as I do about bad teenage girl poetry. It might be somehow meaningful and cathartic to the one who writes it, but the rest of us don't give a shit, really. What happened in our society that makes everyone think that they are so very unique and that they must share that uniqueness with a public that isn't so interested?

Well, I am sure that these questions and many others will be answered in the coming months.

Until Next Time!